***This is your warning. I am not going to be nice during this blurb.
I will probably offend people. I am not going to apologize. I am not
going to say, "No offense, but" nor will I put, "Just saying". I am
just putting it all out there.*****
I know that everyone is busy, but really? It is really hard to slap
some postage on a card and send a Christmas/Thank You/Thinking about
you card to people that are out of the country? I made sure that I had
enough forward thinking to make cards, ship them to HK, and then send
them back to the US once addressed. Even if you don't send a card ...
a shout out email is rather nice.
I am aware that communication is a NOT a one way street. I tried hard
when we first got here. I sent cards. I sent birthday gifts from
here. I sent gifts that were ordered from US sites to people in the
US. The girls have even thought of friends while we were out on our
trips to let them know that they are still in our thoughts. Nothing.
No response. Nada.
This has really gotten me thinking:
1. Do I really want to go back to ATL?
2. What have other expats gone through?
3. What friends do I want to stay in contact with?
4. What family members do I want to stay in contact with?
After this Christmas, I am pretty sure that I am eliminating some people
from our lives. Is that too judgmental? If someone wants to ask me why
... I really don't have a problem telling them, "you ignored my family
for two years after we tried to communicate with you." Or, "My kids
sent special gifts that they got for their friends and no one had the
thought to send them a Thank you or a short email. (Adults must not
remember how giddy a kid can be when they get mail.)
Lesson to the kids:
1. Try to keep your friendships close to your heart. Friendships are a
two way street. If you feel like it is going in one direction, it might
be time to find a different street.
2. Family is important. But just because they have the same blood as
you, doesn't mean that you have to stay in contact with them or like
them. People talk about how much they miss you, but many times, actions
speak louder than words!
I'm afraid what you're going through is rather par for the course ... the way we deal with it these days is the kids get to choose a charity each year and we tell people in lieu of us sending them cards and gifts and in lieu of them sending us the same (ha ha, as if in some circumstances) to donate to this charity.
ReplyDeletePeople who know us well and care put money on our amazon account which means we can use it all year around, and special friends will always be special friends and continue to care and acknowledge you.
After 20 years of moving around the world, I reckon if I make one or two true friends who are "keepers" per posting I'm lucky. And then there are also friends who you don't write to / phone etc. but when you see again it's as if you've never been apart.
Hold on to the good bits and ignore the rest. But don't dwell on it.
Thanks for your perspective and experience!
ReplyDeleteThose friends that you don't see for a while, but it's like time has stood still --- those are great ones!